Well now I have to decide if I am going to open up to him tonight and talk about my feelings.  If I do, I will end up saying TOOOOOO much and it will turn into a huge fight because everything I say equate to my husband as he is not good enough.  Even if I just tell him I am bored, he will go off the deep end telling me he wants out, he wants to have a wife that is just there for him blah blah blah........  Wouldn't we all love it if there were no conflict, and it was free sailing ALL the time.  Well its not like that, but he wants what he wants, and I have no say.  So I am actually thinking that if date night goes in the toilet(he ignores me, he pretends I am not there, he does everything to not have to talk to me) I am going to bring up my plan.  My plan is to separate, live in the same house, but if he just wants to ignore me all the time, I think I want to try this.  He wants me to cook and clean and take care of the kids and their issues, and he wants me to be there for him for the 3.5 minutes he actually needs me in the month, he wants me to rub his back, head, hands, feet, etc. whenever he wants, he wants.........it all.  But does not want to give it back to me.  I am tired, so I think that if tonight goes sour I am going to bring it up at the end  of the night and let him think about it for how ever long it takes him.  I will be at work all weekend, so I wont BUG HIM until I come home at night.  But I want to take all the niceties that he totally takes for granted, and let him see how I feel everyday.  The other thing this will do for me is take away the question every minute of does he care enough today to even respond to me talking to him?  I am hoping that if we do this I can just KNOW that he is not there for me, and go on.  I dont want anyone else, I want him, but living on this BP rollercoaster if making me crazy.  If I sound like I have BP too it is because I have to respond on a minute by minute basis to what he is going through then.

If the night goes good, then what, one good night out of 30 or 40?  Big deal, I need someone who wants to be there for me, illness or not.  If the night does go good I think I will bring up the fact that he has to be fair to me and the kids, he has to stay on meds, start seeing someone,  and not change or go off meds unless we talk about it.  Int he past month he has made me promise that I wont talk about taking the family aspect away (taking the kids in a divorce) and if I do then that's it, he will divorce me.  So if I have to promise NOT to talk about the natural consequences of him not being there for me and trying to make our marriage work.  He doesn't like it, but that is what will happen, if he wont work with me, then well that's what happens. I don't care anymore.  I need to either know he cares or just go on knowing he doesn't.  

Does anyone else feel this way?